Tidings of Nausea and Dread


Husbandji and I went to a birthday party for his niece’s husband last night.

It was a typical family gathering.

Husbandji’s brother M and M’s Idiot Wife were there. And as usual they brought along uninvited one of their grandchildren.

And as usual, M made all sorts of demands requests to their hosts in order to accommodate the child who hadn’t been invited in the first place.

“Do you have any whole milk for “Apple”? No? Well I guess that Skim will have to do…”

“Do you have a straw for the milk? No? Well I’ll try to keep her from spilling her drink. She’s used to a sippy cup you know…” (Well if she’s used to a sippy cup then why the fuck didn’t you bring one for her?!!!)

So while I was subjected to listening to that, I also had to listen to the Idiot Wife (Henceforth referred to as “IW”) babble her usual foolishness.

This is a woman that doesn’t have the sense that God gave rocks.

She will just gush idiotically about whatever pops into her head, announcing to the world in general her likes and dislikes:

“Ooooh! I love red wine!!” (We weren’t drinking any at the time…)

“Oooh! Fabios’ is my favorite restaurant” (We were talking about the new tax structure that the city is implementing at the time…)

I think that you get my point.

And of course, let’s not forget my dear, dear, mother-in-law, Tiamat.

She had been over Husbandji’s brother “A’s” house for the day tormenting them, so A brought her to the party along with himself and  The Darling Nephew (A’s wife couldn’t come, as the hosts have cats, and she is deathly allergic to them).

As is typical with A, they arrived an hour late. (“A” will be late to his own funeral, mark my words…)

Tiamat swept into the room and to be funny, except that she wasn’t, said “Hi!” to every single person in the room.

One. By. One.

“Hi M!”

“Hi IW!”

“Hi TigerYogiji!”

All fifteen of us.

It was like watching the closing scene of The Waltons in reverse.

She then spent the rest of the evening bellowing orders, screaming at the Darling Nephew, and just being her usual annoying, pain-in-the-ass, self.

And if that had been the worst of the evening, I could have handled it.

But it wasn’t.

“A” sat down next to me at one point, and I mentioned to him that we hadn’t had a chance to call his wife back that day (she had left us a message that morning about something to do with Christmas, but she didn’t go into any detail.).

“Oh.” A said, “She wanted to know if you could do Christmas this year, as it would be too much for us to do so.”

(Sound of a record screeching!!!!)

Husbandji, who was sitting next to me at the time, leaned over and said “No problem!!”


So. Not only do we now have to decorate the Ashram for the Holidays (we were going to skip it this year) but we now have to entertain Husbandji’s entire “freak show of a family” at the Ashram, instead of being able to just go to someone else’s house and leave when we had had enough.

Ack. Ack. Ack.

December 26th can’t come soon enough for me…



  1. December 2, 2007 at 1:56 pm

    Yeah I’m counting the days till January 2nd 😛

  2. Debbi said,

    December 2, 2007 at 3:52 pm

    OH DEAR GOD! I feel for you, I really do.

    I’m so happy I am finished with that. I had every holiday, including every sunday dinner for about ten years. Seeing we had and still have the only grandchildren on husband side. How does that meatloaf song go?
    “I’m praying for the end of time, to hurry up and arrive.” ? well, that was me the last few years. It’s so nice not having to entertain his pain in the ass family anymore. Now married daughter can have at them.

  3. Lemuel said,

    December 2, 2007 at 7:40 pm

    Although I do not myself follow the advice, I have always appreciated the advice of Ann Landers (?) or Dear Abby (?) who said that we do not need to let people walk over us. In my dreams, if I did not want to decorate, I would not. I would keep the “affair simple”. If they did not like it, then they would probably not ask to come there again. They would talk, but let them. In my dreams.

  4. urspo said,

    December 2, 2007 at 11:09 pm

    hohoho and yucko
    but that is what the holiday season is all about
    at christmas time
    you can’t get sore
    your fellow man
    you most adore
    there’s time to hate him all the more
    the other 364

  5. Debbi said,

    December 2, 2007 at 11:50 pm

    Off topic.

    Hows your nose?

  6. Catty Bitch said,

    December 3, 2007 at 11:58 am

    Sweetheart… I don’t know what to say. You poor thing. You can pinch Husbandji really hard when he starts to talk in these moments, you know. All these good people here give you permission, I’m sure. Don’t we?!?

  7. Steven said,

    December 3, 2007 at 2:54 pm

    I concur with CB!

  8. December 5, 2007 at 8:47 am

    […] Wrong With This Picture? To plan for our upcoming Christmas festivities, Husbandji asked me to find a simple, easy, recipe for Vegetarian […]

  9. Opal Tribble said,

    December 7, 2007 at 5:58 am

    Oh my what a nightmare. Hopefully they won’t stay too long. I’ll be vising my brother and SIL on Christmas Eve since C will most likely be with me. I’m hoping to cut out early.

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