Tiamat’s Latest

I know that it has been far too long since I have given you all a Tiamat story.

The reason for this is twofold.

1) I haven’t had to deal with her foolishness in person for weeks.

2) If she is acting up, I’m not hearing about it.

But, this past Sunday we had a birthday party for the Darling Nephew (he turned 4!) and of course Tiamat was there in all of her horror glory!

It started out, as it always does, with Husbandji and I having to pick her up.

As soon as she got into the car, I was assulted by the overpowering stench presence of her perfume.  The woman must pour it on by the gallon!

And of course, the whole drive over to the Darling Nephew’s house, we had to listen to her usual litany of complaints, stupid observations and unwanted advice, such as telling Husbandji that his car was dirty and that he needed to wash it! (It has been single digit weather for days, and he had to explain to her that he couldn’t at the moment because the locks would freeze over if he did!)

After we arrived I was able to ignore her for the majority of the evening, as the whole family was there. However, there was one incident that I absolutely HAVE to tell you about!

At one point in the evening Tiamat was doing her usual shrieking to the Darling Nephew to come to her so that she could smother him to death hug him.

But, being the intelligent child that he is, he was having none of it!

However, at one point when he was running around the living room playing, Tiamat was able to snag him with her claws and tried to pull him to her.

But the Darling Nephew is four years old now, and is a strong little guy. He was able to keep her at arm’s length while he tried to get out of her grip!

What happened next was priceless.

Either Tiamat lost her grip, or she let the Darling Nephew go on purpose, and since the Darling Nephew was still trying to escape her clutches, when she let him go he lost his balance and sailed right into the lap of Husbandji’s cousin “J”, who at the time was holding a full glass of red wine.

The wine went EVERYWHERE! On his clothes, on the BEIGE sofa where he was sitting and on the BEIGE carpet!

Tiamat’s only response was to do an “Urkel” and say “Did I do that?” (Stupid Cow!!)

J was good-natured about it, so nothing more was said, although I’m sure that his clothes were ruined.

The rest of the evening was uneventful, other than to mention that, as usual, Tiamat was first in line for food and drink, and tried her best to order everyone around for the remainder of the evening.

And that’s the latest on Tiamat.

Never fear, when there’s further Tiamat news you’ll read it here first!



  1. Lemuel said,

    January 23, 2009 at 6:15 am

    As I read this post, I must confess that I suddenly pictured Tiamat as Charlie’s mother (Evelyn?) in the early Two and a Half Men trying to grab onto Jake.

  2. Ultra Dave said,

    January 23, 2009 at 8:58 am

    What happened to the sofa and carpet? I’m curious to know!

  3. Steven said,

    January 23, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    And here I was hoping that it was Tiamat that went sailing across the room. Glad to hear that the rest of the evening was bearable. 🙂

  4. Patti said,

    January 23, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Ooh Ooh I am sated.. for awhile. Too bad you can’t youtube Tiamat but I know.. I know… what kind of SIL would you be then? *grin* (a popular one with your blogreaders – for sure!)

  5. Cincy Diva said,

    January 23, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    remind me to buy more soda water stock. priceless tale!

  6. the hobbit said,

    January 23, 2009 at 11:04 pm

    Holy God, has she no sense of shame!?

  7. Sim said,

    January 24, 2009 at 7:42 am

    Ahh – red wine. I know the spillage of that oh so well.

    Sorry for the delay in coming to visit – have been catching up on your posts and laughed out loud at this one.


  8. Mo said,

    January 24, 2009 at 2:39 pm

    You know I enjoy the tales of Tiamat more than prime time TV, right?

  9. urspo said,

    January 24, 2009 at 8:43 pm

    I hope your glee was not too obvious.

    How does the Husband do with all this ?

  10. midnightgardener said,

    January 27, 2009 at 6:27 pm

    Well, at least it’s never a boring family gathering, eh?

    Just why CAN’T you do some “anonymous” You-tubing of such monumental moments?! There must be some way to set up a double-blind account that you could just accidentally send us to, you know, sort of like a Rick Roll or something…hmmm, yes, this is what I should be devoting my time to thinking about…

    ; )

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