My Mother, The Archbishop

My mother related a short story to me over the weekend that I found hilarious. Let me set the story up.

My mother is the “Guild Mistress” for the Altar Guild at her local church (Episcopal).

The Altar Guild’s duties consist of cleaning the altar linens,  the maintenance of the various “accoutrements” involved with the service (i.e. the chalice, the Host plate, etc…) and setting everything up before each service.

One of their other duties involves making sure that the minister has “consecrated” enough extra communion wafers to keep on hand for the lay ministers, who use them to serve communion when they visit the shut-ins of the parish.

 About a week ago, my mother received a phone call from one of the lay ministers, saying that he was at the church but that he couldn’t find any consecrated wafers! And to make matters worse, the resident minister was away on a two-week vacation! What should he do?!!

My mother matter-of-factly said to him; “Oh, just make the Sign of the Cross over the wafers and you should be all set!”

And THAT’S how you run an Altar Guild!! 🙂



Hello again, My Minions!

Well, yesterday’s party was uneventful.

Tiamat was no more annoying than she usually is, and in fact, Husbandji had me convinced me that when I saw her that she’d be hobbling around like Helen Keller, when in fact she seemed to be navigating just fine with her impaired vision (at least as far as being able to zero in on the wine bottles and food was concerned at any rate…).

And as it was the Darling Nephew’s birthday party, the living room looked as though Toys R Us had exploded what with all the presents that he received.

And Husbandji’s brother “A”  and his wife need to start teaching their son some tact. When he opened one of the gifts, he looked at it and announced “I don’t like this!” to everyone present!

Granted, he’s only five, but still…

In addition, apparently Husbandji had private chats with both of his idiot brothers while we were there, and they promised to help out more with Tiamat, but, I’m not holding my breath…

That’s all for now my dahlings! Each day I am feeling better and better, and I hope that I will not ever get this sick again! TTFN!!

Business as Usual Around the Insane Asylum…

Oh, My Minions.

I am so sorry that I have been away for so long, but, things have just been bat-sh*t crazy here at the Ashram.

While I am FINALLY on the mend from this miserable Bronchitis, I am still waking up every morning coughing like I have a “three pack a day” habit.

But, the hacking is getting a little less each day, so I assume that I am on the mend.

In other news, Husbandji is literally on the edge of a nervous breakdown thanks to his fucking  lovely family.

Tiamat had what was supposed to be simple cataract surgery on one of her eyes this past week (which is bad enough, considering Tiamat’s phobia of doctors and hospitals and such) but of course there had to be a complication with the cataract so now she has to see a specialist and is freaking out, which of course is freaking Husbandji out, and OF COURSE it is all on his shoulders, as his two fucking brothers are absolutely USELESS!!! (Can you tell that I’m a little put off by all of this, My Minions?).

So anyway, we are going to the Darling Nephew’s birthday party today, and considering what a colossal pain that Tiamat is normally, just imagine what she will be like when she has the opportunity to be “The Tragic Queen” due to her temporary eye problem!

Add to that the fact that I will have to be pleasant to Husbandji’s two brothers when I would much rather spit in their faces for making Husbandji go through this all alone!

And to top it all off, Husbandji thinks that he is passing another kidney stone, which is terrifying him, as the pain all but incapacitates him.

It will not be a good time at all.

If there’s anything to report, I’ll give you the update tomorrow, because after all tomorrow is another day….

Drips and Drabs

Hello All!

I’m still recovering from my bout with bronchitis so this will be a relatively short post.

Christmas came and went without too much drama.

We spent the morning at my sister’s, watching my 2 year old niece and nephew runs around the house like nuts, tearing open their presents (and anyone else’s that they could get to!). It was controlled chaos but it was lovely.

We were missing my father, but, fortunately there were only a few tears and we were determined not to tinge the day with sadness, as that was something that my father never would have wanted.

After a brief stop at home to take care of Teddyji, we headed over to Husbandji’s brother’s “A’ for the evening.

Of course Tiamat was there, and once again she managed to spill an entire glass of red wine on their beige carpet!!! (You’d think after last year that they would know better and just give her a sippy cup!)

Most of his family offered their half-ass condolences to me as they came in (as you’ll recall, almost none of them could be bothered to come to any of the services) to which I was gracious but not overly friendly to any of them.

The Darling Nephew was obviously on a Christmas present/sugar high as he was running around nonstop the whole night.

It had been a long day, and I was never so happy to see the Ashram and my bed that night!

In other news, against my better judgment, we stayed up past our bedtime to watch part one of Doctor Who: The End of Time on BBC America.

I have to say, I was underwhelmed. I sincerely hope that part two is better next week. Otherwise, it will be a very anticlimactic way for David Tennant to end his fabulous five year run as The Doctor.

 I guess that’s all for now My Minions. I’m going to go finish up some chores now and then rest for the remainder of the day. TTFN!

And, I’m Back

What a week it has been, my minions.

First, I would like to thank everyone for their kind comments, emails and cards. You will never know how much they all meant to me.

Now, back to the story:

Wednesday night we had the wake for my uncle. Surprisingly, very few people came.

I was especially disappointed in how few people from his church showed up, considering that my uncle was one of the pillars of his church (Episcopal) and had even been granted the title of Senior Warden Emeritus prior to his eventual transfer to the Soldier’s Home a few years ago.  I know that my mother was especially disappointed about the low turnout.

Well, at least their core circle of friends did come, and for that I’m grateful.

Of course, I guess that I was hoping for too much to expect Husbandji’s family to give us a fucking break behave appropriately during this trying time.

But, of course, they couldn’t.

I spent the better part of Wednesday morning dealing with their ridiculous bullshit!

In a nutshell: Husbandji’s brother, “M”, was planning on attending my uncle’s wake Wednesday afternoon and was planning on driving Tiamat to it as well.

I had spent half an hour with him on the phone the previous evening giving him detailed instructions on how to get to the funeral home in Easthampton (Because, of course, no one in Husbandji’s family EVER travels out of fucking Springfield!) and everything was all set.

Or so I thought.

Wednesday morning, M calls the house to tell me that he came to the realization overnight that there just wasn’t going to be any way that he would be able to make it to the wake that night because of the time constraints involved.

Apparently, he wouldn’t be getting home from work as a school crossing guard(!) before 5PM because apparently he walks each individual student home to their fucking doors and by the time that he and his idiot wife changed and went to pick up Tiamat and drove to Easthampton, they probably wouldn’t get there on time!


I could tell that he was lieing feeling extremely guilty about this, as he kept repeating this over and over and over, as though he were trying to convince not only me, but, himself as well.

So I told him that he “needed to do whatever worked for him” BUT that he would need to call his other brother “A” that morning to arrange for him to take Tiamat to the wake. I told him this at least four times during the conversation.

Twenty minutes later, Tiamat called.

M had called her and told her that they couldn’t take her and that SHE needed to call A to arrange for a ride!!!!!

So, of course, she was calling Husbandji about it!

She even had THE NERVE to ask me if she could ride up with us!

Or more accurately; “Could I ride with YOUZ???” (I thought that I was talking with Joe Pesci!!!)

To which I replied “No. the FAMILY OF THE DECEASED needs to be there early!!!”

So, Husbandji had to call A and arrange for everything.

And, as it turned out, A and Tiamat were the only two members of Husbandji’s family that showed up.

So, I guess I know where I stand in that family.

At any rate, the service for my uncle on Thursday was very nice. There were tears, but, there was also laughter, celebrating the life of a man who was as dear to me as my own father.

I shall miss them both terribly.

That;’s all for now. Talk to you all soon….

Back for a Little Bit…

Hello Everyone

First of all, I would like to thank everyone for their comments and emails of condolence and support. It felt very good to know that I have so many friends out there in the Interwebs!

The last two weeks have been something else indeed.

Two days after my father died, my uncle (my mother’s brother) passed away after a long battle with Parkinson’s Disease. He too had been at the Soldier’s Home in Holyoke, although he had been in their Hospice Wing for the last several months.

We had known that his time was coming to an end soon, but, we had never expected them to both pass within two days of each other.

Once again, we were very fortunate in that we were able to say our good-byes and be with him at the moment of his passing. He is now free of the prison that his body had become for him…

Witnessing his passing was something that I will never forget.

The phrase “do not go gentle into that good night” springs to mind.

Although he was seemingly unconscious, for the better part of eight hours we watched my uncle fight for every breath, his expression never changing.

Only at the end did he lift his head from his pillow and with a slight grimace, breathe his last…

We had a private burial for my father yesterday, followed by a memorial service at my parent’s church (the church that I had grown up in).

My family had thought that there might be a light turnout for the memorial due to it’s being held in the morning on a weekday.

On the contrary, we were quite surprised by the number of people who came. The church was filled to capacity!

It was a lovely service, and while there were tears, there was also laughter, remembering my father’s various antics and celebrating his life.

I saw so many people yesterday whom I haven’t seen for years and years, and each of them had a story to tell about my father. It was very nice.

We will having the wake for my uncle this evening, and will be burying him tomorrow morning.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers, and I will be back soon.

My Father

My father passed away in his sleep around 3:00AM this morning.

He went peacefully and my family was very fortunate in that we were able to be with him and say our goodbyes to him prior to his passing.

I will be offline for the next several days and will talk to you all again soon.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Well, That Break Was Short…


Be very, very, quiet!

I’m somehow blogging from work right now!

Apparently the “Powers That Be” have relaxed their “Internet hold on things” to some extent.

I don’t know how long this will last, so if I’m suddenly gone again for days at a time, you’ll know why!

So, anyway…

My father is still at the rehab facility. We had a somewhat sobering meeting with the staff last week, who basically told us that they aren’t sure if Dad is going to progress any further than he has so far.

It’s basically up to him now whether he decides to “pull up his bootstraps” and give it his all, or give up and resign himself to the fact that he will not be coming home.

This past weekend we brought him home for a visit on Father’s Day, and that seemed to give him a renewed sense of purpose, so we’re hopeful.

But only time will tell…

In other news, there is no other news. Work has been keeping me busy, and I probably won’t know for sure if I have anything to worry about “job-wise” until late September. Woo-Hoo.

There is one little “Tiamat” giggle though!

The Darling Nephew has caught a case of head lice.

We’re assuming that he got it at school.

Tiamat was babysitting him prior to this being discovered, and while she was babysitting she put the Darling Nephew’s cap on her head.

So now she’s freaking out because she thinks that she had head lice too!

Husbandji has had to stop by her house every night for the last week to check her out.

So far, no lice. (Oh poo!)

I keep telling her that I’d be happy to shave her head for her!

Husbandji doesn’t appreciate my sense of humor for some reason…

That’s all for now! TTFN!!!

Update Time


Hello My Minions!

Things are still crazy around here, so I haven’t had time for my little blog!

My father is still in rehab, but, is starting to make some improvement.

However, the rehab people think that it will be another month before he will be ready to come home. Ack.

Between my sister and myself, we’ve been visiting him almost every single day, and it’s really starting to wear us out, but, what can you do?

Hopefully, things will be back to normal by mid-summer!

In other news, work has been absolutely crazy, and now they have started a cost cutting initiative to review the company’s management structure to see where they can re-organize and “cut the fat” managerially speaking.

Supposedly, we are top-heavy with AVPs and VPs, but I am still very concerned for my “lower management” position. Say a prayer for me, please?

In more interesting “Tiamat” news (and this is what you’ve all been waiting for isn’t it?!!), Tiamat has seen all the lavish attention that my family has been pouring on our father, so now she’s “having trouble walking” because she has arthritis in her knee! What a coincidence!

So Husbandji has been having to stop by her place almost every night to help her with things.

But, this past weekend, when the family had a Memorial Day picnic, she apparently made a miraculous recovery!

We had gone to pick Tiamat up for the picnic since his other brothers are useless, and I was sitting in the car waiting for Husbandji to collect her from her apartment.

I was half expecting her to come limping out of the building, clutching to Husbandji for support, all the while moaning and whining.

Instead, she waddles out under her own power, holding a cane as though she were about to launch into a dance number, ala Fred Astaire!

So, apparently she’s even too stupid to properly fake a limp!

The picnic was uneventful, except to mention that when it came time for dessert, everyone was asked what they would like, as the hostess was serving it up herself.

When it was Tiamat’s turn (and she was not the last one to be asked) she said that she wanted a piece of cake TO TAKE HOME(!) and she wanted some pie to eat there!


What a cow! Why not wait to ask for a piece of cake to take home AFTER everyone else has been served, just to make sure that there will even BE any cake left over?!!!

But, of course, that would never occur to her!

She has been known to ask for “seconds” of something while some people are still waiting to be served for the first time!


Of course, the best part about that was that she forgot to take her cake home when we left, and she didn’t remember it until we were almost home!

Poor Tiamat!!! (Ack!)

Well, that’s all the news for now, kids. Talk to you all soon!!

Update on Everything

Hello My Minions!

Sorry for the delay in posting something of substance. Things are still hectic around here due to work and my father’s health.

He was moved to yet another rehab facility this past weekend, as Medicare would not continue to pay for him to stay at the rehab facility that he was at, yet they will pay for this one.

I don’t understand this at all, but, it’s just as well, as this rehab facility is MUCH nicer than the other one, and it is also closer to where my parents live, so it will be less of a drive for my mother. Unfortunately, it has doubled my driving time to go visit him, but, what can you do?

He is expected to be there for at least four weeks, but, already we can tell that his mood has improved, and I am (secretly) hoping that we will have him home by Father’s Day.

Work continues to be very busy, and while my company has had some lay-offs, I am pretty confident that no one in my area will be let go, as we are already running a very lean operation (knock wood!).

In other news, we had the pleasure of having Tiamat over this past Saturday night to celebrate “Mother’s Day” with her even though every day is Mother’s Day as far as she’s concerned.

It was delightful, as always, with her spouting stupid questions (she had to have the concept of “herbal iced tea” explained to her, I kid you not!) and, as it is with every meal that she eats, I always try to gauge whether she got more food in her, or on her…

And speaking of herbal iced tea, I picked up one of these a couple of weeks ago (priced very nicely at Kohl’s I might add) and I love it! It’s taken all of the guess work out of iced tea making and it does it in about ten minutes!


That’s all the news for now. I’ll try to post later in the week, but, in the meantime, I will schedule some “fun” posts to keep you all entertained until I return!


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